A Slackoisie Manifesto

A Slackoisie Manifesto

Preamble

A spectre is haunting the legal profession—the spectre of the Slackoisie. All the Powers of Old Law have entered into a holy alliance to exorcise this spectre: Defense Lawyers, Plaintiff Lawyers, Criminal Lawyers, Civil Lawyers, Business Lawyers, hell, most Employed Lawyers, even some Radicals called Clients.

Where is the opposition party that has not been decried as Slackoisie by its opponents in power? Where is the opposition party that has not hurled back the branding reproach of Slackoisieism, against the more advanced opposition parties, as well as against its reactionary adversaries?

Slackoisie and Dependsoisie Boorishoisie * Billuminati *

Billuminati pl. n. (Latin for “enlightened billers”- experienced, competent, ethical lawyers with established law practices and/or inexperienced, competent, ethical lawyers working diligently to gain reputations and develop their law practices).

The history of all hitherto existing society is the history of generational struggles.

Freeman and slave, patrician and plebeian, lord and serf, guild-master and journeyman, the employed and the unemployed, the self-actualized and the narcissist, those with clients and the trust agents, in a word, oppressor and oppressed, have stood in constant opposition to one another, carried on an uninterrupted, now hidden, now open fight, a fight that each time ended either in a revolutionary re-constitution of social media and society at large, or in the common ruin of the contending generations.

The Dependsoisie Boorishoisie Billuminati wherever it has got the upper hand, has put an end to all feudal, patriarchal, idyllic, and work/life balance relations. It … has left remaining no other nexus between lawyer and client than naked client-interest, than callous “payment in cash” … for services performed, veiled by professional and ethical illusions, it has substituted naked, shameless, direct, brutal exploitation of those who can’t get a job because there’s a recession, you know?… Constant revolutionizing of production, uninterrupted disturbance of all social conditions, everlasting uncertainty and agitation distinguish the Old Guard epoch from all earlier ones … All that is solid melts into air, all that is holy is profaned, and new lawyers are at last compelled to face with sober senses, their real conditions of life, and their relations with their kind.

However:

The essential condition for the existence and rule of the Dependsoisie Boorishoisie  Billuminati generation is the accumulation of wealth in private hands through honest labor, the formation and increase of professionalism and competence through hard work; the essential condition of professionalism is lack of entitlement. Lack of entitlement rests entirely on the competition among the legal profession.

Slackoisie and Non-Working Parties

The Slackoisie do not form a separate party opposed to other non-working parties.

They have no interests separate and apart from those of the self-entitled as a whole.

They do not set up any sectarian principles of their own, by which to shape and mould the social media , Twitter and Facebook movement.

The Slackoisie are distinguished from the other non-working-class parties by this only: 1. In the national struggles of the self-entitled of the different countries, they point out and bring to the front the common interests of the entire work-life balance movement, independently of all nationality. 2. In the various stages of development which the struggle of the Slackoisie generation against the Dependsoisie  Boorishoisie Billuminati has to pass through, they always and everywhere represent the interests of the “Where’s my $150,000 a year job” movement as a whole.

When, in the course of development, generational distinctions have disappeared, and all legal work has been concentrated in the hands of a vast association of the whole Web 3.0 Millennial movement, the public power will lose its professional character. Professional responsibility and legal ethics, properly so called, is merely the organized power of one generation for oppressing another. If the non-working lawyers during its contest with the Dependsoisie Boorishoisie Billuminati is compelled, by the force of circumstances, to organize itself as a class, if, by means of a Starbucks virtual law office revolution, it makes itself the ruling professional class, and, as such, sweeps away by force the old conditions of productivity, then it will, along with these conditions, have swept away the conditions for the existence of client obligations and professional duties; antagonisms of an anachronistic profession that generally, and will thereby have abolished its own supremacy and relevancy as a profession.

10 point program of Slackoisieism

[Sorry, but if there isn’t a PowerPoint presentation, then what’s the point of having points?]

In short, the Slackoisie everywhere support every revolutionary movement against the existing social media order of things.

The Slackoisie disdain to conceal their views and aims. They openly declare that their ends can be attained only by the forcible overthrow of all existing law practice conditions. Let the Dependsoisie Boorishoisie Billuminati lawyers tremble at a Slackoisie revolution. The unemployed and underemployed have nothing to lose but their chains. They have a world to win…one Starbucks coffee and iPad at a time .

Slackers of the world, unite! 

Credits:
Dan Hull and Scott Greenfield  for the term “Slackoisie” as now defined in the Urban Dictionary.
@lawscribe  for the counter-counter-revolutionary term “Dependsoisie” (even though he’s Generation X ).
I coined the term “Boorishoisie”. It’s mine. Get off my lawn. I also coined the term “Billuminati”. You’re welcome. My bill is in the mail.
This post is inspired by Scott Greenfield’s various posts at Simple Justice, in particular:

A Trophy, A Twinkie and Your Respect.

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