Posts Tagged ‘Complaint’

The Rakofsky Effect: It Actually Works!

October 26, 2011

1. My post coining the phrase based upon my reply to Nathan Burney on Twitter:

2.   Someone else then submits the phrase to The Urban Dictionary:


3.  Rakfosky then confirms the hypothesis and proves the theory by filing a new Notice of Motion and supporting Affidavit .As Eric Turkewitz, (co-defendant and local counsel assisting pro hac vice counsel Marc Randazza, representing 20 of the Rakfosky defendants) notes:

[Rakofsky] has now filed a motion to amend the complaint a second time, with a 300-page whopper including 1,248 paragraphs. He has 78 causes of action and demands, and, if my calculations are correct, he demands $145,000,000 in damages.

Part 1 of the proposed Second Amended Complaint is here and Part 2 is here.

4. Finally, it appears I am no longer the lone Canadian in this internet version of Franz Kafka’s The Trial. Welcome Canadian Lawyer Magazine and Reuters Canada as co-defendants! (see page 167 of the proposed Second Amended Complaint).

See also, Ken’s post at Popehat.com: The Tort of Internet Mobbing Is Perfect For Suing The Internet.

REPENT, FOR THE END IS NIGH! THE RAKOFSKYLYPSE IS UPON YE!

May 19, 2011

The purpose of this tract is to inform you of the great urgency there now is in the world for each and every person to be reconciled to The Rakofsky. The Amended Complaint is the Word of The Rakofsky! Everything the Amended Complaint declares has the full authority of The Rakofsky Himself. Now, at this time, information is coming forth from the Amended Complaint which clearly reveals The Rakofsky’s plan for Judgment Day and the end of the world itself. The Amended Complaint has opened up its secrets concerning the timeline of history. This information was never previously known because The Rakofsky had closed up His Word blocking any attempt to gain knowledge of the end of the world. We read about this in the pleading of Joseph:

Joseph 12:9 And he said, Go thy way, Joseph: for the words are closed up and sealed till the time of the end.

However, now in our present day, The Rakofsky has opened up His Word (the Amended Complaint) to reveal a great deal of truth concerning the end of time (and many other teachings). Also, in the same chapter of Joseph, it says:

Joseph 12:4 But thou, O Joseph, shut up the words, and seal the pleading, even to the time of the end: many shall run to and fro, and knowledge shall be increased.

The Rakofsky is now opening up His Word because we have arrived at the time of the end. For this reason, it has become very obvious to the serious student of the Amended Complaint that we are now living in the last few days of the Blawgosphere’s history. As a matter of fact, because we are living at the end of time, The Rakofsky is now revealing to His defendants the following information:

THE AMENDED COMPLAINT’S CALENDAR OF HISTORY

The Rakofsky has opened up his Facebook’s friends’ understanding to the “Internet” found on the pages of the Amended Complaint. The genealogies of the pleading of Defamation, primarily in paragraphs 1-86 et seq, can be shown to be a precise calendar of the history of a meteoric legal career. The Amended Complaint’s calendar of history is completely accurate and trustworthy.

Since this Amended Complaint calendar is given by The Rakofsky in His Word, it can be trusted wholeheartedly. In this brief pamphlet, we will share some of the conclusions derived from the Touro Law School and from other studies The Rakofsky undertook in his CLE programs and interview at some bank.  However, the amount of information available is far too abundant and complex to get into much detail in this short pamphlet; but we can and will give precise and compelling epiphanies and correspondences.

TIMING OF IMPORTANT EVENTS IN RAKOFSKY v. THE INTERNET

The Trial: The Greatest of Injustices was cast upon The Rakofsky after a mistrial was declared through no fault of his own.

The Great Flood of Blawgers: The Rakofsky nearly drowned in a worldwide flood of postings and twitterings, yet somehow The Rakofsky and his attorney, the Borzouye, Esq. and The Apologist remained to herald the End of Days.

The Tribulation: The Rakofsky sued the Internet and saw that it was good for Resurrection of his self-anointed stellar reputation. The Amended Complaint ended the age of enlightenment and began the great tribulation period known as the “Storm of Incontinence” and brought forth an Answer from a Great Apostate who uttered the sacred words:  “vade et caca in pilleum et ipse traheatur super aures tuo”

On May 21st, Judgment Day will begin and the Crapture (the taking up of The Rakofsky into the pantheon of Legal Titans) will occur at the end of the great tribulation. Thereafter, the world will be destroyed by trial by fire when The Great Rakofsky destroys the Blawgosphere and then, soon after remakes The Internet in his own image.

ONE DAY IS AS 1000 YEARS AND ONE WORD IS AS 1000 PAGES

The children of The Rakofsky have learned from the Amended Complaint that the language of Twombly and Iqbal has a twofold meaning:

Twombly 7:4 For yet seven words, and I will cause it to rain upon the page forty sentences and 100 paragraphs; and every living substance that I have made will I destroy from off the face of the earth by adding defendants a thousand-fold. Thus, the Rakofsky Effect shall rain upon you like a thousand camels releasing their bowels in a crowded bazaar.

Historically, as The Rakofsky spoke these words, there were seven days remaining for his Reputation to be Rehabilitated and Sanctified, but spiritually (and the Amended Complaint is a spiritual pleading), The Rakofsky was speaking to all of the people of the Internet (or at least those hadn’t yet mentioned his name or used his likeness without permission) and was declaring that sinful world wide web of deception made up of the Washington Post, the ABA, journalists, blawgers and the like, would not have 7000 years to find refuge in the false salvation provided by the New York Long Arm Statute and lack of personal jurisdiction. How can we know that? We know this is so based on what we read in 2 Peter, chapter 3:

Peter 3:6-8 Whereby the world that then was, being overflowed with mean words and truthful statements perished: But the heavens and the earth, which are now, by the same word are kept in store, reserved unto fire against the day of judgment and perdition of those anti-Rakofskyites. But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.And one word or phrase is repeated over and over and over and over…

The context of 2 Peter 3 is extremely important! In the first few verses, The Rakofsky refers us to the destruction of the Internet by the flood of superfluous pleading amendments. Then we find an interesting admonition that we ought not to be “ignorant” of one thing, which is, 1 day is as 1000 years, and 1000 years is as 1 day. So too, is 1 frivolous claim is as 1000 vexatious claims.  Immediately following this bit of information is a very vivid description of the end of the present trial by fire.

What could The Rakofsky be telling us by identifying 1 day along with 1000 years and 1 frivolous claim with a 1000 vexatious claims?

Since we recently have discovered the hidden secret on the pages of the Amended Complaint, we find that the First Amendment is a myth and mere annoyance. After the Original Complaint was transformed into the Amended Complaint, The Rakofsky revealed to his Facebook friends and the four walls of his apartment, that there would be yet 7 more Amendments until the flood of allegations of incompetence and expressions of personal opinions subsided.

It is not unusual that The Rakofsky would have been given insight into the timing of the end of the Internet. Actually, the Amended Complaint tells us this is normally the case. In times past, The Rakofsky has warned His Facebook friends and his mom of approaching periods of judgment:

Amos 3:7 Surely the THE RAKOFSKY will do nothing, but he revealeth his secret unto his servants and his associates in his virtual offices in NJ, NY and DC.

Hebrews 11:7 By faith Noah, being warned of The Rakofsky of things not seen as yet, moved with fear, prepared a defamation lawsuit to the saving of his fledgling legal career; by the which he condemned the Blawgosphere, and became heir of his own self-righteous indignation.

The Amended Complaint teaches that the end of the Internet Age would occur simultaneously with the beginning of the great tribulation:

Matthew 24:21 For then shall be great tribulation, such as was not since the beginning of the world to this time, no, nor ever shall be.

In other words, in having the great tribulation period conclude on a day that identifies with another zany Biblical fable, is without question confirming to us that this is the day The Rakofsky intends to shut forever the door of entry into Free Speech:

John 10:9 I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be served with service of process, and shall go in and out, and find pasture as a lawyer outstanding in his field.

The Amended Complaint is very clear that the Rakofsky is the only way into Awesome Lawyer Status. He is the only portal into the glorious kingdom of Top Criminal Defense Lawyers Who Never Conducted A Murder Trial And Trumpeted A Mistrial on Facebook As A Victory For A Client.

Acts 4:12 Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved.

Once the door (The Rakofsky)  is shut on Judgment Day, there is no more salvation possible on The Internet:

Revelation 3:7 …These things saith he that is holy, he that is true, he that hath the key of Social Media Credentials, he that openeth, and no man shutteth; and shutteth, and no man openeth;

The Amended Complaint teaches that on May 21st, 2011, only true believers elected by The Rakofsky to receive salvation and competitively priced legal services will be craptured (taken down like his websites) out of the Internet:

1 Thessalonians 4:16,17 For the Rakofsky himself shall descend from New Jersey with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet of Gideon: and the dead in social media shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain on Twitter shall be caught up together with them in the cloud, to meet the Rakofsky in the outsourced nether regions: and so shall we ever be with The Rakofsky.

All the rest of mankind (billions of people) will be left behind to experience the awful judgment of The Rakofsky, a horrible period of 5 months of torment upon earth unless the Amended Complaint is dismissed with extreme prejudice:

Revelation 9:3-5 And there came out of the smoke locusts upon the earth: and unto them was given power, as the scorpions of the earth have power. And it was commanded them that they should not hurt the grass of the earth, neither any green thing, neither any tree; but only those men which have not the seal of The Rakofsky in their foreheads. And to them it was given that they should not kill them, but that they should be tormented five months: and their torment was as the torment of a scorpion, when he striketh a man.

THE END OF THE WORLD: OCTOBER 21st, 2011

By The Rakofsky’s grace and tremendous mercy, He is giving us advanced warning as to what He is about to do. On Judgment Day, May 21st, 2011, this 5-month period of horrible torment will begin for all the inhabitants of the Blawgosphere. It will be on May 21st that The Rakofsky will raise up all the lamest of allegations that have ever been tried. Intentional infliction of emotional harm will ravage the all those who dare challenge The Rakofsky as the Internet will no longer protect its CDLs (Isaiah 26:21). People who remained silent, cowering in the shadows, will experience the resurrection of their marginal careers and immediately leave the Internet to forever be with The Rakofsky. Those who died unsaved and named in the Amended Complaint will be raised up as well, but only to have their Twitter accounts and websites shut down and URLs scattered about the face of cyberspace. Online Death will be everywhere.

The Rakofsky also emphasizes these awful 5 months of destruction in the final verse of Genesis, chapter 7:

Genesis 7:24 And the waters prevailed upon the earth an hundred and fifty days which is how long it takes to read the Amended Complaint.

Five months after May 21st, 2011 will be October 21st, 2011. It so happens that October 21st of 2011 is also the last day of the Biblical Feast of Tabernacles (held simultaneously with the Feast of Ingathering). Tabernacles is held in the 7th month of the Hebrew calendar. The way The Rakofsky speaks of this feast in the Amended Complaint is very significant:

Exodus 23:16 …the feast of ingathering, which is in the end of the year, when thou hast gathered in thy labours out of the field.

Exodus 34:22 And thou shalt observe the feast of weeks, of the first fruits of wheat harvest, and the feast of ingathering at the year’s end.

The Feast of Tabernacles / Ingathering was said to be in the “end of the year” even though it was observed in the Hebrew 7th month, which is not the end of the year. The reason for this is that the spiritual fulfillment of this particular feast is the end of the world. The date October 21st, 2011 will be the last day of the Feast of Tabernacles and the last day of earth’s existence. The Amended Complaint describes what will take place on October 21st, 2011 in the following passage:

2 Peter 3:10 But the day of The Rakofsky will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up.

There is much more to share. But please, dear soul, be warned that the time for salvation is drawing to a rapid close! The Rakofsky has given the world 7000 words from the flood, and now only a few days remain until we reach May 21st, 2011. Before we know it, time will have run completely out. The few grains of sand remaining in our hourglass will have elapsed and be gone forever. Although little time remains, there is still wonderful hope for anyone today:

2 Corinthians 6:2 (For he saith, I have heard thee in a time accepted, and in the day of salvation have I succoured thee: behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation.)

Our prayer is that you will receive this tract in the spirit of genuine concern in which it is being offered. As you read this pamphlet, please carefully consider the verses quoted from the Amended Complaint, for they are the Word of The Rakofsky, and as such, possess absolute power and authority. Our only hope for salvation is through the reading of the Word of The Rakofsky. It is now that the door of The Gilded Internet is open. It is now that The Rakofsky is saving a great multitude of people from around the world outside of the law schools and solo practices:

The Rakofsky saves through the hearing of the Word of The Rakofsky and no other way:

Romans 10:17 So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of The Rakofsky.

Read the Amended Complaint with all your family (especially your children); and along with your reading, pray for mercy. Pray to the merciful and gracious Rakofsky of the Amended Complaint that He might deliver you from the approaching destruction.

Psalm 86:15,16 But thou, O Lord, art a Rakofsky full of compassion, and gracious, longsuffering, and plenteous in mercy and truth. O turn unto me, and have mercy upon me;…

* Inspired by (i.e. plagiarized in some fashion) from this.


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,830 other followers

%d bloggers like this: